Does this make me look fat?...

???????? -


NEVER, NEVER answer this question, There is no correct answer...

Missed A Spot

You know the scene... It can be anything but here's one that comes to mind:

You clean up the house, take care of the kids, cook dinner, go shopping... whatever. You're proud. You're hoping it will be noticed and appreciated (maybe with dividends). Instead of 'wow, the house looks great' or 'thank you' - it's always about what you didn't do.

You didn't wash the pan out?
Did you remember to get milk?
Why didn't you put the kids to bed earlier?

Gee, thanks.

The Vein Pop...

-Less effective.

Calling your wife her mothers name in a fit of rage.

Your Bromance...

When spending time with your friends (you know, other guys with whom to discuss a never ending list of patterns), your woman will mask their slight jealousy with jibes:

Her: (with a sh!+ eatin' grin) Are you going with your boyfriend?

Sometimes, these seemingly innocuous comments will lead to others that will imply a challenge your heterosexuality (especially if the initial comments don't elicit a reaction), such as:

Her: (Oscar nominated concern) I am starting to worry about you guys...

Herein lies the irony.. The very symbol of heterosexuality is accusing you of homosexuality. Thus we see the irrational logic that only a cocktail of 2/3 jealousy and 1/3 self-righteousness can provide.

What does "I'll only be gone and hour" really mean?

I think most of us have heard the saying "I'll only be gone an hour".  It seams to me that most of the time the code or equation, that i am obviously not privy to, that is usually 3-4 times the original declaration. 

 As is often heard that one day to God is like 1000 years for man. Maybe there should be a second prophetic statement like one hour to man is equal to 3-4 hours to women.  Well its not likely ill find the answer but it is certainly and applicable pattern. 

I'll be right back...

If you have ever needed to work from home and you have little children, you can probably relate to this one. 

"Can you watch the kids, i need to run some errands and ill only be gone an hour"

and always comes home either many hours after the expected time or 10-15 min after you really need them home by... 

Saturday is a special day...

What's better than waking up on a Saturday after a long work week, your significant other comes in and says "Get up i have a list of things for you to do"... and oh "I need (for generally 4 hours) to leave and get my nails done"

Your DNA...

"I cant believe what your child did today " or   "Well he/she is your child".

Its like pointing out all the bad DNA from your child comes from you.. Therefore he/she is your child. 

This is a test...pattern

"Dont you dare bring that thing (laptop) to bed with you" was what I just heard
so I was able to slide one thru on my iPhone.

Sent from my iPhone

Pattern

The 4:30pm Alarm- 

Instinctively at 4:30 pm everyday a phone call arrives with the question "What time are you coming home" or "You haven't left yet?"

The Reason Why-

My good buddy and co-author of this blog, Patrick and I were on the phone where at the same time our wives were asking us to get off the phone to help with the kids... This sparked an amazing amount of coordinated thought and witty dialog centered on the comparison of the interactions we labeled as patterns. The balance of the phone discussion was very revealing and comforting in the fact that we had both been experiencing the same familial frustrations and comical idiosyncrasies.  Hence the Title of the Blog: Relationship Patterns. 

Our hope is that this will become very organic and viral for all who read and they will want to comment and contribute. We also want to open this up to anyone who would like to submit their experiences. 

A deeper study has led us to believe that there are various levels and classifications of Relationship Patterns. We will try and create as many classes of patterns as we can think of. 

-We hope you find it funny so wish us luck and happy reading.